Thursday, April 24, 2008

Say It Ain't So...

Yes, that is indeed what she said.

"No beer."

"Is that no beer for a while? A week? A month? Or no beer ever again?"

She just kept saying "no beer," and then finally relented and said, "well, at least less beer."

But I can still have my red wine. And coffee. Hmmm....

Okay, here is the story: I've had some stomach pain of late. Some of it has been rather debilitating and caused my hubby to rush home and care for me (thanks, babe!). So I toddled off to see my GP today to see if we can't figure out what is going on. We reviewed my "lifestyle," which includes coffee, red wine, and luscious, luscious BEER (but hey, I don't drink liquor and I don't smoke!). And, oh yeah, I took huge, huge doses of ibuprofen for the 8 months or so leading up to my December hip surgery. The doc put me on prilosec 2x a day for the next month (or maybe six weeks... she was a bit vague on that) and ordered some blood tests. I guess we are going to rule out some rare-in-Caucasians H-virus and pancreatic issues (and I noticed she slipped a liver test in there... she must think I'm a real lush!) and then assume that it is some sort of gastroenteritis/ulcerish type thing that just needs to heal... something that can happen with time, the prilosec, and [sniff] no beer.

But wait, again, "The wine is okay? The coffee is okay?"


"But no beer?"

"Wine has good properties"

"Trust me, beer has good properties, too"

"What is even in beer?"

Hmmmm.... I'm suspicious. Did she really just ask me what is in beer? She is obviously not a beer drinker (she seems to think all beer drinkers are bingers). And she has told me that lots of "old wisdom" on stomach issues has been debunked recently and there is no need to go on a bland diet unless something in particular causes me pain, in which case I only need to cut out that one thing. She also admitted that if I smoked, that would be the lifestyle change she would lobby for... Wait, am I losing beer because I don't have any worse habits? Is it possible that beer is no worse for this than tomatoes?

Okay, let's not get ahead of ourselves. For the short term -- at least until she calls me on Monday with the test results and my tummy has a few days of prilosec to calm it down -- I will not drink. Then we shall see. I think a little more research and maybe some conversations with beer-enthusiast physicians will be in order.

Anyone need a designated driver?


Matthew said...

Hmm, want to be a designated driver to Dragonmeade? :-)

Anonymous said...

After you get your test results, you should go to a gastroenterologist and not just a GP -- drugs can work great and get rid of the need for diet changes but you need the right drugs and to really know what's wrong.

TeacherPatti said...

Yes, I do need a DD, actually :) :)
Beer is just yeast, water, hops, barley and wheat. These are all good for you. These elements love you. I think your doctor is working for the wine industry and trying to push wine on you! (just kidding!!)
Seriously--that sucks. :( I'm so sorry!

Zoe the Wonder Dog said...

Now Matthew, there is no need to be cruel.

the injector said...

aww suck.
that blows.
I do not get how coffee is okay but beer not. coffee tears the shit out of my gut sometimes (literally)--beer only tears the shit out of my gut if I've had one too many and that usually equates to being very drunk.
well maybe a break from it will help settle belly woes. hoping that all of your tests are a okay.

Stacey said...

Brooke also recently had a painful stomach ailment. So I'll diagnose you... it's not the beer, it's a stomach bug. There. Drink.

Stacey said...

Brooke also recently had a painful stomach ailment. So I'll diagnose you... it's not the beer, it's a stomach bug. There. Drink.

Daye said...

Scrabble buddy Brian may be of some help- as would of course the DH!--I think the advice about the gastro-interologist is BRILLIANT.

Andre said...


No beer?!?!?!

I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but that sucks!

Zoe the Wonder Dog said...

Yes, well, I did take a break, but I haven't exactly followed doctor's advice of late. I am trying to temper things a bit... Thursday night aside :)

birdy.j said...

We def. need to talk about this. i fear i have/had "the bug" and maybe some of the other stuff that your doctor says. no beer? no way! (unless im pregnant!). Matthew- if you go to dragonmeade i want to come along I LOVE THAT beer.