AAATA #5 should go straight on Eisenhower
4 months ago
Monday, December 10, 2007
Not what I expected...
So my hip seems to be healing up rather well -- it is swollen and a bit more sore today, but not approaching the pain level I had during the bad old days of my bum hip acting up on me. What has surprised and, in all honesty, freaked me out is that I am still feeling a bit disoriented and a bit overwhelmed at times. I am not sick. My incisions are scabbed over. The pain is really more like discomfort and a bit of weakness than real "pain." So why do I feel so at odds with the outside world? A trip out to lunch one day and a drug store run today left me feeling like a slow-moving sloth in a cheetah world. It is 9:30pm and I am hunkered down in bed with book, computer, and knitting. In my logical brain, I'm assuming that these are the lingering effects of anesthesia and perhaps the pain meds (though I haven't had any of those in almost 24 hours). Whatever its source, I'd like for it to go away now.
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2 comments:
Maybe you feel your body is not the same?
Not the same house (body) you've been living in lately. As if someone snuck in while you weren't watching, took something, and nudged the furniture around. There's differences you're expecting, but there's something missing. The rhythms and spaces are just not the way you remember them.
Trivial way to say it, a weak architectural metaphor I'm grasping at but... ?
I know there's lots of types of pain, and no one can be in your head to know your (former) pain, but the thing pain always has in common with other pain is that it's foreground. Bright, dull, sharp, throbbing - it's rarely in the background. And now that the diva in the Bodily Sensation Opera Company has retired, who is the sensate understudy?
Do you simply need to re-center yourself now that it's gone, or does the freedom from pain's limitations make so much room that Self has different boundaries (yet to be found)?
"Who am I without the pain?" she asked.
I'm glad to hear your healing process is coming along in spite of your body feeling all strange.
My pop just had shoulder replacement a few months ago and he swears that the anesthetic has impacted him more than he ever thought it would. Perhaps it has, since he has become a chatty cathy/ entertain the crowd sort of fellow...
Whatever the case may be, your body is changing--our bodies tend to do that every day--but maybe now it is all more pronounced...
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